Are you EXHAUSTED from getting into daily power struggles with your child?
Everything you say, they challenge or push? Agggh! So frustrating and triggering.
“Whenever we get “triggered”, we’ve stumbled on something that needs healing. Seriously. Any time your child pushes your buttons, he’s showing you an unresolved issue from your own childhood.”
― Dr Laura Markham, Aha Parenting.
Are you AFRAID of saying no because of the tantrums that follow?
Perhaps you even feel guilty or mean. Or you avoid asserting your boundaries or ignore your child's requests?
You might also be shielding your child from pain, making mistakes and feeling responsible for their feelings?
I know that comes from loving them, but really you're teaching your children to take care of other people's feelings - - that's NOT their job (it's not yours either!!).Eventually, it leads to unhappiness and complications in their relationships.
Children without boundaries can grow up becoming people pleasers, they find it hard to make decisions.
Without boundaries, they are wide open and a soft target for frenemies, bullies and toxic friendships.
“Parents get into trouble when they don’t empathize with their child’s pain. They either over identify with the pain of the child and give in, or they
get angry at the child’s pain and go to war. Empathy and keeping the limit is the answer for both extremes.” ― Henry Cloud.
Would it help you to know that your strong-willed sensitive child will always push the boundaries?
And you can learn to handle that in a way which preserves the very essence of them: their tenacity and determination, and their beautiful kind hearts. They have come into the world to break down and challenge old systems. They make great leaders which is awesome. I call these children Wild Hearts and you can read more about other qualities of Wildhearts here.
Do you wish your child would just do as you ask them and not avoid it or question you?
Strong-willed children act from a place of integrity so if they believe something isn't right for them, then they won't do it. It's commendable because they want to do the right thing. It's just not the right thing for you.
How can you remember you're on the SAME team?
The child who pushes your buttons is actually a gift and will help you grow and learn new things about yourself and the world you live in. Even though right now I'm sure it doesn't feel like that!!
I created this online learning pack for parents because well this was me growing up!
I was a force to be reckoned with as a child. The eldest of 4, I was on the front line screaming and shouting and not willing to back down if I thought I had a point to prove. We didn't have boundaries in our house and so, boundaries have been my life's work and I want to share all that I have learnt with you.
Believe me, you will wish you had known this stuff sooner. There is a part of me that wished I did too. It would have saved me the pain of abusive relationships, of care taking friends and attracting people who wanted to be taken care of.
You don't need punishment either because that just creates more opposition and anger
I want to show you how to set and uphold boundaries with EMPATHY so that your strong-willed sensitive child can save face and maintain their lovely big bold spirit, and you don't have to get stressed in a power struggle situation.
How can you find a more harmonious win-win outcome for everybody?
When there is a constant tension between you and your child, it can overspill into the rest of the family. It lurks in the background and walking around on eggshells not knowing if it will all kick off creates anxiety for you and for them. Having good boundaries makes it clear where the line is and means your child will feel safer and secure.
When you learn how to set consistent, empathetic boundaries, your relationship with your child will improve from a place of love and mutual respect
- Your child will feel SAFER (less anxiety)
- Your child will be strengthening their ability to CONTROL themselves (emotionally regulate)
- Your child will be ASSERTIVE (no passive aggression or aggression here) and therefore less likely to be BULLIED
- Your child will be clearer about who they are (a clear sense of self and okay without you)
- Your child will be able to make the right decision (for them!)
- Your child won't be a people pleaser and will value themselves
- Your child will be able to get their needs met (without manipulating or feeling ashamed)
Having boundaries makes parenting a whole lot easier because everybody knows where they stand!
You'll have a more collaborative and cooperative relationship with your child because it will feel like you're on the same team.
- You can STOP exhausting yourself trying to control everything
- 'Yes!' stops becoming your automatic response to everything
- You can let go of worry, feel safer and more relaxed
- You can stop trying to save the world with your pants over your trousers (not a good look!)
- You won't have to threaten or bribe or shame your child into cooperating
- You will enjoy parenting and being with your strong-willed sensitive child again
- You won't have to repeat yourself over and over
You teach people how to treat you! What you allow will continue
Your child will also use your relationship as their template for communicating with other authority figures in their life.
Without boundaries your child will struggle in life!
Take it from somebody who knows and is still learning now. That's a big therapy bill. I've learnt that the reason we don't set boundaries or we can't uphold them is because we can't deal with our child's response to them. We're scared of other people's feelings and that's something that we learnt in childhood. I also learnt that setting boundaries was hard when I wasn't connected to my feelings and I didn't know what felt right for me.
Let's take a peek inside ...
In this online learning pack, you and I will do a little Smiley coaching together so that you can work through your boundary blocks and triggers and not feel so tired and frustrated with your child.
You will get a mixture of workbooks, reflection questions, videos and audios which will give you:
⭐ A deep dive into empathy (what it is, why it is essential to optimally parenting and building a strong healthy relationship with your child and how you can cultivate more of it).
⭐ Some soul searching and thought provoking coaching activities to unlock your boundary blocks and understanding your emotional triggers.
⭐ A deep and meaningful conversation with your inner child and some very heartfelt messages from your own child so you can meet them where they are (empathy again!).
⭐ Lots of practical tools which you can put into practice straight away and make long-lasting changes (small and deliberate actions taken over time have the biggest results).
⭐ 6 'Baseline Boundary Basics' Lessons which includes what boundaries are, how to set them, how to tell if you have healthy boundaries and what to do when somebody doesn't respect them.
⭐ A 2-hour powerful Master Class on 'Boundaries in Action' so you can bring this course to life and make it work for you and your family.
⭐ A 1-hour fun family coaching class to decipher 'What is Important to your Family?' This will provide you with a set of family values and will help give clarity and understanding of one another. You can also get your creative on and turn your discoveries into a vision board.
⭐ A fun creative exercise which you can do with your child to teach them how to set boundaries so they feel SAFE when you are not there.
⭐ An easy step by step guide what to do when your child has a meltdown or there is a power struggle and how you can instantly diffuse this situation.
⭐ A look at why punishment doesn't work (this is not a boundary and actually makes your child more angry, whilst weakening that all important trust in your relationships).
⭐ What you can do and say instead of punishment or enforced consequences to guide your child towards course correcting their own behaviour, so they are acting from a place of integrity (which is important to a strong-willed sensitive child).
Special Bonus Features
A Beautiful Morning Guided Visualisation for you to download and set your intention each day.
A Super Handy Booklet containing 12 scripts of what to say in those frustrating parenting situations like:
1: Script for Not Paying Attention
2: Script for Anger
3: Script for Non Co-operation
4: Script for Defiance
5: Script for Constant Demands
6: Script for Frustration
7: Script for Bad Mood
8: Script for Squabbling
9: Script for When you are Triggered
10: Script for When your Boundary is Disappointing
11: Script for When Emotions Run High
12: Script for When you Feel Disrespected
Reading Recommendations and Resources so you can further your knowledge if you want to.
Bonus Video: Why Punishment Doesn't Work .
No More Power Struggles will help you take back control and strengthen your relationship with your child!
This online learning pack is for you if ....
- you have a strong-willed sensitive child who pushes your boundaries
- you feel as if your child isn't cooperating or respecting you
- you have been using punishment and it's not working
- your child doesn't listen and you get frustrated from repeating yourself (bedtime is a battle ground and you don't get any time to yourself in the evening)
- you want to help your child increase their emotional resilience
- you want to improve your communication skills or brush up on your emotional coaching skills (wow parents have so many hats nowadays)
- you're exhausted by your child's emotional outbursts and don't know how to respond to them
- you're overparenting - feeling your child's feelings, protecting them from their feelings or mistakes and doing things which they can and should be doing for themselves
- you want to deep dive into your relationship with your child and find a way to make it work
- you have been brought up in an addicted family (even if you are the adult child of an addict) or you are aware that you are or might be codependent
- your child has separation anxiety or struggles to do things without you
This online learning pack is NOT for you if ....
- you're looking for a magic bullet or a quick fix (maybe start off with my eBook and see how you get on with that first)
- you've got good boundaries and you are comfortable setting and upholding them with your child
- you're confident dealing with your child's big emotions and trust her and you to find your way with them
- you regularly connect with empathy to your child and are able to parent without using punishment, bribes or threats
- you're not going to prioritise this and dedicate some time to this every day